i recently read something for parents about how there is always a last time and it made my heart ache a little. well, really ache. i love watching him grow and connect with the world, but the 'last times' are bittersweet. a couple of weeks ago tripp took his first steps. after MWM and i got done rolling out the red carpet and presenting him with his trophy, my heart sank a little bit. i could see that moment of independence slip away from me and be handed over to him, it was almost tangible. the big moments are easier to recognize as they pass but some of those little moments are sneaky, they slowly slip away and it isn't until time has passed that you realize they are gone forever. one day he is napping on you and then it hits you months later that he won't do that anymore....
of course, all the new moments are worth everything. they make the ache ok.
side note: tripp hasn't walked much since those first steps. i like to think he's about to present his thesis to us entitled: "they told you not to compare me to other children. why i didn't walk until 17 months; a lesson in patience and trust."
(he has 9 days until his title is changed to 18 months.)
"i am grateful for what i am and have. my thanksgiving is perpetual. it is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite, - only a sense of existence. well, anything for variety. i am ready to try this for the next ten thousand years, and exhaust it. how sweet to think of! my extremities well charred, and my intellectual part too, so that there is no danger of worm or rot for a long while. my breath is sweet to me. o how i laugh when i think of my vague, indefinite riches. no run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment." - henry david thoreau
i cannot express what they mean to me.
so thankful, it's silly.