Tuesday, July 29, 2014

things i've eaten and will eat again

mexican haystacks

   brown rice
   trader joe's chicken lime chicken burgers
   black beans
   pico de gallo

i am always up for anything that even slightly bears resemblance to mexican food and requires minimal preparation to boot.

hot pico de gallo from trader joe's, you are my truest love.

Monday, July 28, 2014

i was making us lunch and suddenly it was silent.  i poked my head around the door to see what was going on and there he was, just standing there, looking like SUCH a big kid.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

here's to new beginnings, cardboard boxes, and a grassy yard.

sometimes i'm so nostalgic even i can't take it.  but i just have to document our goodbye to our beloved south boston condo or i very well might self implode.

moving though.  there are just so many things that need to line up perfectly to make a successful move happen.  you double, triple check everything and then you look at that schedule and think...


we are on the other side now.  we have moved and so far seem to have lost only a sippy cup and piece of our glassware in the process. which deserves nothing less than three solid fist pumps.

on the off chance that you happen to visit and find yourself wondering why we still have so many boxes to unpack.  this is what unpacking with a one year old looks like:

we are fully expecting to see this as an olympic sport in the upcoming year ;)

Monday, July 14, 2014

a study of dirt -- by dr. tripp mylett

conclusion: it is so good.

(flustered mom puts baby in the bathtub with the diaper still on.  fail.  
also, 98 percent chance he was still chewing on dirt in the last picture)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

the hardest thing, for us.

i blog to keep our families who live far away in the loop.  but mostly, i blog to match pictures to words and have a place for michael and i to go to to remember our life together.  this blog is a very small sliver of our life.  i choose to write about the happy things.

i've been debating this for weeks and have found that if i don't write about what happened, i would be leaving out a huge part of our story.  when we are 70 and scrolling through we would still come to this time in our lives and pause and acknowledge to one another that "that's when 'it' happened".  more so, i feel the need to acknowledge these beautiful little lives, our two angels that by our standards we weren't given the time we wanted with, but who changed us both forever so, so deeply.

we were pregnant with identical twins.
we were stunned and slightly terrified but then rose to the challenge.  we sold our home in the city and bought a house in the suburbs to fit our five person family and one smelly pup.  the name game was played and we even settled on two boy names and one girl name (girl names are so hard for us?!).  we laughed about how we won't ever go through the "empty nest" stage because all three will go off to college at practically the same time.  we figured that at best, we would only need to get one car for them because at 16 months apart they would be irish triplets and most likely end up at the same high school parties anyway.  we daydreamed and talked about the twins, nicknaming them hooey and looey / the twinkies.  they were ours and they were loved.

multiple gestation pregnancies are always high risk.  identical multiples are at an even higher risk because they are susceptible to twin to twin transfusion syndrome.  this was our case.

i went from bi-weekly ultrasounds to weekly ultrasounds very quickly.  we traveled to rhode island to meet with doctors and discuss surgical options, walking on eggshells the whole time.  and then our biggest fear became our reality.
we lost baby B at 18 weeks and baby A at 20 weeks.

two babies lost.  two heartbreaks.
when you lose something you love so fiercely and so dearly, it shatters all of you.
i miss the dreams we had for our family.  i miss being pregnant.  i just miss these babies.

their lives feel like a whisper.  a reminder of the preciousness in life.  a violent shake to wake us up and have us recognize our many blessings; how much of that we were taking for granted.

a piece of him and i was brought together.  not for this world, but eventually - we will be with them for eternity.
we find peace in that.